If you’ve recently spent any amount of time on social media, listened to the news, or been on any news site, chances are you’ve seen a headline about Autism. There are so many topics that divide us. Politics, religion, and diagnoses. When I first saw the clip of RFK, I’ll admit. My pulse rate increased and I could feel my blood beginning to boil. Autism destroying families and children?! How dare he say something like that! Autism is just a difference in how one moves throughout the world. It’s beautiful.
But is it, really?
When I initially set out to answer the question: Does Autism destroy families? I had an entire blog post and podcast episode written out. The words on the page were some that I was scared to share. They were bold and went way against the videos and messaging being pushed around social media. So, I sent it to some friends who have first-hand experience living in the trenches of an Autistic child. If anyone could tell me whether or not it’s honest, it was them.
Their responses were all the same: “I LOVE this. You nailed it!” However, it was in those moments that I realized, while I had spoken to their experience, I still missed the mark. At the time, my thoughts were just that—thoughts. There was no action for you, the reader, to gain from it—not really. That’s when I found myself completely rewriting the whole thing sharing not only the message, but something you can do about it.
And that, friend, is what you’re about to read.
What is Autism?
Meeting Diagnostic Criteria for ASD (DSM-5)
[This information is coming from the CDC website]
According to DSM-5, to meet diagnostic criteria for ASD, a child must have persistent deficits in each of three areas of social communication and interaction, plus at least two of four types of restricted, repetitive behaviors. Diagnosing autism spectrum disorder (ASD) usually relies on two main sources of information: parents’ or caregivers’ descriptions of their child’s development and a professional’s observation of the child’s behavior.
- Autism spectrum disorder (ASD) is a developmental disability caused by differences in the brain.
- Some Autistic individuals have a known ideology, such as a genetic condition. Other causes are not yet known.
- Scientists believe multiple causes of ASD act together to change the most common ways people develop.
- Early intervention services can greatly improve the development of an Autistic child.
You can read more about the CDC and Autism here!
What does it mean to be on the Autistic Spectrum?
It’s easy to take a 20-30 minute episode of Love on the Spectrum and walk away from it, with this idea that Autistic people are seemingly well-adjusted adults who have learned to adapt to the world around them. They hold down jobs [pay taxes], answer questions, and talk about their life. They share their interests, their fears, and try new things, like finding love. And for some Autistic people, that is absolutely what happens. But I think an important part of the storyline goes unnoticed.
What life looked like before or continues to look like; unedited.
Something I feel has gotten lost in all the noise surrounding Autism and families is the Autistic children [and grown-ups] falling along the other end of the spectrum. The families living in and out of doctors’ offices and specialists, begging for someone to listen to their concerns. The ones in the emergency room for the umpteenth time this year because their child has once again, given themselves a concussion out of frustration. The families that argue with insurance about the outrageous cost of medicine just so their child will sleep.
The families that, as therapists and medical professionals, we have no idea what to do with-and therefore, don’t want them on our caseload. So we find a reason and dismiss them.
These are not the families you’ll see on TV shows or the individuals self-advocating… because they can’t.
The Impact of a Diagnosis
RFK was not speaking to families of Autistic individuals who are, for all intents and purposes, productive members of society, whatever that looks like. He was talking to the families that have repaired the walls in their homes, replaced broken door frames, and wiped blood from the floor and poop from the walls so many times they’ve lost count. He was speaking to the parents who are exhausted, overwhelmed, and feeling completely forgotten.
Could he have used nicer language? Perhaps. However, he spoke to those families using the language that, while they may not have said aloud on a public platform- they’ve definitely used when confiding in their trusted family and friends, or even thought to themselves.
And yes, I can promise you, those families feel incredible guilt about it.
The Elephant[s] in the Room
One of the most common threads I’ve heard from parents is this: good therapy is hard to find. And friend, here’s the truth—SLP grad school won’t prepare you for supporting Autistic children with complex needs. You gain that knowledge through experience, thinking outside the box, and listening. The goal isn’t to be perfect—it’s to show up, keep trying, and work together for the benefit of the Autistic child.
Let’s talk about the many elephants in the room:
Is it hard to get a communication device for a child? Yes—if you don’t know the process.
But you can learn more about AAC. Just start somewhere. Ask your co-workers, Google it [credible resources only], and check out places like Speechie Side Up, speechpathology.com or The Informed SLP for continued education and research. [btw- none of those are sponsored, I use them myself and they are incredible resources.]
Is it scary to walk into a session knowing a child might have behaviors or no verbal skills? Again, yes.
Remember, behavior is just a form of communication. Leave your fear at the door and go into therapy sessions being curious. Find out the why behind the behavior and go from there.
Is it okay to feel overwhelmed or unsure? Absolutely. YES!
The truth is, you’re not alone. There are many resources out there that can really help!
So What Can You Do?
Here are some simple but powerful actions you can take to become better supports for Autistic children and their families:
- Firstly, be real with families.
- If you’ve never worked with an Autistic child before, just say so. Most parents don’t expect you to know everything—they just want someone who’s honest, open to their concerns and suggestions, and wants the best for their child.
- More importantly, prioritize relationship over compliance.
- Connection first. Trust builds progress. Take the first few sessions to get to know the parent [or teacher] and child. Later on, if the child is having a rough day, ditch the data sheet and play, co-regulate, or just be present.
- Continued Education.
- SLPs have to get X number of hours per licensing and credential period, depending on your state. Look for trainings specific to Autistic individuals emphasizing neurodiversity-affirming practices, AAC, gestalt language processing, and sensory integration.
- Change your thinking
- Rather than “How do I fix this behavior?” ask yourself “What is this child trying to tell me?” Let curiosity and empathy guide you.
- Lean on others.
- Friend! You don’t have to do this alone. Like I said earlier, reach out to other SLPs, behavior specialists, OTs, other providers, and parents.
If you’ve been here long enough, then you know my motto: teamwork makes the dream work.
Does Autism destroy families?
No. But a lack of support often does.
What breaks families down isn’t the diagnosis—it’s the isolation. It’s the endless waiting lists. It’s having to explain and re-explain their child to people who never really see them. It’s being told to “you’ll be getting another therapist…” and no real help arrives.
The real difference-maker is support- YOU! When SLPs, teachers, and providers step up with compassion, curiosity, and a willingness to learn, families feel seen. They feel heard. And, most importantly, they no longer feel like they’re in it alone.
Here’s the deal: none of us will ever have all the answers. You just have to show up, be willing to learn, and do better—that is what changes lives.
FREE RESOURCES
Here are some resources to get you started:
- Tara Phillips Interview: The Early Signs of Autism in Toddlers
- Tara Phillips talks about Gestalt Language Processing
- Tara Phillips talks about Neurodiversity Affirming Speech Therapy
- I also have a whole series of episodes in which I chat with Venita from Speechie Side Up about AAC. Check it out!
If you’re looking for practical tools to support autistic children and their families, I’ve created a resource just for you. My Communicate & Connect Handbook is packed with real-life strategies for understanding how toddlers communicate, navigating behaviors with empathy, and building stronger connections with families. It’s everything I wish I had when I got started- and everything SLP early intervention and early childhood educators need now.
💛 Click here to check out the handbook and start supporting families in the way they deserve.
You don’t have to do it perfectly. You just have to care enough to start.
