One of the biggest questions I get from parents (and therapists) is “What can I do about a toddler’s behavior?”. Whether a parent is feeling overwhelmed with their little ones outbursts or a therapist doesn’t understand why the toddlers seem to keep throwing things (including tantrums) in their sessions. The key to answering this question is finding the function of behavior.
The truth is, with all behaviors, a toddler is trying to communicate something. There are multiple layers to behaviors and I want to give you some tools that you can start implementing today that will help both you and parents.
All Behavior is Communication
Whether they’re hungry, happy, frustrated, or overstimulated, a child’s behavior is a form of communication. All behavior is communication [but not all communication is behavior]. There is more to a behavior than just labeling it “good” or “bad”. You can be mad and not be “bad” just like you can be laughing [disruptively] and not be “good”.
Understanding that behaviors are a form of communication is such a fundamental idea in early intervention, and it’s something we need to help parents understand. Toddlers may not have the words yet, but they are still communicating with us.
Rather than focusing on whether a behavior is good or bad, let’s look at behaviors as effective, in-effective, functional, or appropriate. Changing your perspective on a child’s behavior will also change your response.
Effective Behavior: using a form of communication, a child is able to get their need met [even if it’s not appropriate]
Ineffective Behavior: The attempt of communication is not understood, and therefore the need goes unmet, leading to other challenges
Functional: a child’s form of communication is practical but not refined.
Appropriate: the child uses socially accepted behaviors and understands that different types of communication occur in different contexts.
These different forms can be combined in various ways. For example, a child may be able to functionally communicate that they do not like something by pushing it away or saying “no”. Eloping is an effective form of communication, but it is not appropriate or functional.
Learning to look at a behavior as an attempt at communication takes frustration down a notch and opens the door to understanding.
The Function of Behavior
There are 4 possibilities for a function of behavior: social/seeking attention, escape or avoid, seeking access, or sensory seeking.
- Are they trying to get my attention? [social]
- Do they want out of a situation or event? [escape]
- Are they looking to gain access to something? [seeking access]
- Are they trying to tell me something doesn’t feel right? [sensory]
When we have a little one on our caseload who appears to be experiencing difficulties, we have to ask ourselves: why?
Finding the Why Behind Behavior
Before we can help parents address or respond to their child’s behaviors, we need to guide them in understanding what the behavior actually is. Here are 4 ideas to help you and the parent determine why the behavior is occurring:
1. Observe the Behavior in Context.
- Find out what is going on before, during, and after a behavior. Encourage parents to take note of when, where, and the context of a behavior.
- By defining the context of the behavior, parents can move beyond just reacting to the behavior and start thinking, what’s causing this?“
2.Take notes of the Behavior.
- Once parents have observed the context, the next step is to help them break down the behavior. Sometimes what looks like one ‘big’ behavior, like a tantrum, is actually made up of several smaller signals.
- Encourage parents to ask questions like:
- What does the behavior look like when it starts?
- How does it escalate?
- Are there any warning signs before it happens?
- By breaking down the behavior event, parents can see the progression of the behavior and where they might intervene early.
3.Find the Function of Behavior
- Once we’ve defined the behavior and the context, the next step is to help parents think about why the behavior is happening.
- When parents understand the function of the behavior, they’re better equipped to respond to it appropriately.
- Instead of just thinking, My child is acting out, they can start thinking, My child is trying to tell me something.
4.Keep the Dialogue Open
Check in regularly with parents and caregivers. Find out what strategies are working and make adjustments as needed
Remember, it’s easy for parents to feel overwhelmed when dealing with challenging behaviors. By helping them understand why the behavior is happening and what the child might be trying to communicate, we empower them to respond with more confidence and less frustration.
Responding to Behaviors
Reactions are explosive and lead to further chaos. Responding to a behavior allows us to step back, take a breath, and evaluate the situation. Encourage parents, caregivers, and yourself to respond to a behavior rather than react.
Here are a few considerations to remember:
- Acknowledge a child’s emotions, feelings, and their behaviors while also encouraging alternative forms of communication.
- Empathize: reassure the child that their feelings are normal and sometimes situations can be difficult to manage, but you can work together to navigate these situations more effectively.
- Strategize: consider and explore different strategies to help prevent behaviors from escalating while also promoting effective and functional communication.
Remember, when it comes to choosing strategies for behavior management, work with parents and caregivers to do what is best for the child.
Strategies for Behavior Management
When thinking about behavior management, we always want to use strategies that are going to be beneficial and easily incorporated into a child’s routine.
- Introduce simple communication strategies. Teaching a child to use basic words like ‘help,’ ‘more,’ or ‘finished’ can reduce the frustration that often leads to challenging behaviors.
- Visual aids: support both communication and behavior. Tools like first/then boards or communication boards give toddlers a visual way to understand transitions or choices.
- Keep it simple. Give parents one or two techniques to focus on at home—whether it’s using a core word or introducing a visual aid. Progress doesn’t happen overnight, and that’s okay. The key is consistency.
- Ask questions and listen to their response. Parents need to know that they can come to us with questions or concerns without feeling like they’re failing. When checking in with parents, if something isn’t working, help them adjust. We’re all in this together.
Most importantly, celebrate all the wins. These moments are the building blocks of confidence for both the child and the parent. Did their child use a new word? Point to a picture instead of crying? That’s huge!
Putting It into Practice
By encouraging parents to see their child’s behavior as communication, we give them a whole new connection. Help identify the function of the behaviors, observe and take data on what is going on around the behaviors, and implement strategies to encourage development and more functional communication.
So, in your next session, take that extra step to encourage a parent—help them feel capable, even if it’s just by showing them how their child is already communicating through their behavior.
If you’re looking for handouts and more information about behavior as communication, including some visual communication tools, check out my SLP early intervention handbook- Communicate & Connect! Try it [FREE] HERE!
